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Dashama's Perfect 10 Lifestyle Blog about Yoga, Lifestyle, Events, Retreats, Yoga Teacher Training, Dancing, Meditation, Diet, Health, Spirituality


~ Sex, Tantra Yoga & Chocolate ~

Posted by: Dashama

February 12, 2011

Yoga and Sex

As a yoga teacher, I get questions about sex all the time. 

People want to know, 'is it ok to have sex and be a yogi?'

And how does sex fit into the whole picture anyway?

Sex is perhaps the most controversial topic on earth. There is so much shame and fear that surrounds sex. We learn our behaviors and attitudes about this blessed experience from our parents and other adult role models as children. Our religious leaders influence and impose ideals upon our relationship toward our sacred unions. We even absorb some of the emotion that our mother experiences surrounding sex while we are still in the womb.

I personally have done many years of exploration,  experimentation, healing and therapy with my relationship with sacred sexual union- in my adult life. As a young person I didn't realize how much my parent's sexual behavior had shaped my perception about it.

Without getting too deep into detail, I will suffice it to say, the barriers we create in our hearts are most frequently linked to the pains we have either experienced or witnessed those whom we love experience along our soul journey. We come face to face with our fears, false beliefs and insecurities time and again until we transcend them, or let them go.

My Experience with Tantra Yoga

As long as we continue identifying with our story, we can get lost in that endless cycle of suffering. This is what the Buddhists call the wheel of suffering. The repetition and replaying of experiences in our life that cause us to enter back into suffering time and again. This will always continue until we learn to release them, transcend them and cut the cords from our past. To let go of our 'Story' and who we identified with who we are.

It is only at that point, when we let go of our story, that we can be who we truly are.

It is my belief that from that place of wholeness we are able to attract our soul mate and practice true Tantra, which is the union of 2 beings who are entering into a body and soul experience through various heart centered and sexual practices.

When I first learned about this, I was immediately inspired!

I thought, "oh good!" This is what I have been looking for my whole life. I wanted to experience a union with another, that would be fulfilling and nourishing to my body and soul. So often sex had lead to sadness as it never lasts. It is fleeting and after the climax of orgasm, we are left with the inevitable desire for MORE, more and more.

It is that desire for more that pulls us from our center, takes us out of the present moment and robs us of our joy in the hours or days after.

I had this yo-yo relationship to sex for many years. I'd have sex (or make love) with my partner, and just like most other people, later I would experience the longing for more. This longing is suffering. It is what leads people to behave with co-dependency and is some what-like bi-polar disorder. One day, when we have the union we desire, we are in bliss. The next day, when our love is not there, we are in suffering. Longing and separation. This up and down is not easy to cope with when we are trying to get other things done with our life force and time.

This understanding lead me to seek answers. I sought in the ancient Tantric Yoga and Toaist Qi Gong texts, the apparently sexually enlightened beings I know and my inner guidance through meditation and yoga.

My answers came to me in a message I didn't actually want to hear, but I believed would work. 

Over Coming Co-dependency and Sexual Addiction

The answer was this: if something you are doing is causing you suffering, you may very well have an addiction to it. And to over come addiction, you must abstain from that which triggers the longing. The other part of over coming addiction is to replace the habit with a healthier alternative.


I didn't want to hear that.

I had my beautiful boyfriends and lovers and didn't want to stop having sex.

I decided to give it a shot. The desire for sexual pleasure was nothing compared to the pain of suffering that would ensue when I couldn't satisfy my desire.

Like a crack addict separated from the pipe, it wasn't easy ;)

But that's where Yoga and Chocolate came to the rescue.

I knew I needed certain pleasures to be fulfilled to exist at a high level of joy and happiness. I wasn't interested in trading one form of suffering for the suffering of abstinence. I needed to feel the same pleasure without losing my sexual Jing (Eastern word for sexual energy :)

The yogis teach this. And it was first introduced to me by Napoleon Hill in his famous book 'Think and Grow Rich'. He spoke about 'transmatation of sexual energy' which is to redirect that same desire and energy toward what you want to create. After all, sexual energy is the most powerful energy on earth. It can create a life. It can destroy a life.

To transmute sexual energy, it is a careful and deliberate practice of tantra yoga. I have been practicing for almost 6 years. Both by myself and with partners. It is very rewarding and always liberating.

Through these practices I have been able to relinquish my attachment to many things!

And perhaps most importantly, to release my co-dependency and sexual addictions. It freed up a great deal of time and energy!

Also, for everyone who always asks me how I can get so much done, this is also the reason. I redirected that same energy and desire and this lead to the birth of Pranashama Yoga Institute, the 30 Day Yoga Challenge, Renew You - 30 Days to Fit and Fabulous, the writing of my book Journey to Joyful, the filming of hundreds of videos and production of 5 full length DVDs, teaching performing around the country for yoga and fire dancing and much more. I even produced a Thai Yoga Tantra DVD to teach people these practices how to transmute that energy into love in a no sexual way with a friend or partner.

We will be teaching a 2 day retreat with Yoga, Thai Yoga and Tantra with my friend and beloved teacher Michael Buck over the Spring Equinox in March. If you wish I will be teaching some of these Tantra Yoga techniques to the group in Bali, so I hope to see you there. This just may be the greatest secret to all life's success and happiness and is so rarely taught. I am excited to share it with you.

Aphrodisiac Chocolate

You may be wondering, how does chocolate fit into this equation?

I mean, we understand sex and tantra yoga go hand in hand, but what about chocolate?

For me, chocolate is up there with sex. It is fulfilling on many levels physically, emotionally and even spiritually. It is delicious and evokes a sensation of pleasure and can also stimulate the libido as well (so be careful for that!)

Chocolate is a great substitute if you can't be in union with a lover or beloved, so I have made it a daily practice to consume it. The problem with most chocolate you buy in the store is that its full of processed sugars and loaded with unhealthy fats.

That's the reason I make my own at home.

You can do it too.

Here are 2 of my chocolate recipe videos.

This first one is for cooked chocolate, and these ingredients are more commonly available at any grocery store.

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This second recipe is for raw aphrodisiac chocolates and has ingredients far superior to the first one, but more rare to find. These can be ordered online if you desire. The health benefits are worth the extra effort!

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Blessings and Love to you all ways!

Happy Valentine's Day weekend.

Make it a bliss fest.




Posted under Yoga , Yoga , transmutation of sexual energy , think and grow rich , taoist qi gong , tantra , sexual energy , sex , napoleon hill , Lifestyle , jing , Dashama , chocolate , bali yoga teacher training